My New Quest

We are on the verge of what I would call being homesteaders. On the edge and dipping our feet into the way of life of people a few generations ago. As you know we have added goats. There is talk of chickens right now. It is only in the talking phase. But there could be a chicken coop in our close future. But there is more to being a homesteader than just animals. It is kind of a mindset that says, "I don't have to depend on someone else to make something or do something for me. I can do it myself."

Did you know that there are so many things that you can make? We started off by making our own yogurt. I make it in the crockpot. Lately it has failed, but that hasn't deterred me. My next time, I am going to use the heating pad to make it.

I am making my own granola which also leads to our own granola bars.

We have a son who fell in love with Chewy granola bars that are chocolate with mint. When Chewy decided to make them in boxes of eight instead of 10. I had to find a better way. They were getting too expensive. So I started experimenting with a recipe I found online for the regular bars and added cocoa and mint chips. He loves them. They cost very little and the best part is I can pronounce all the ingredients. There are a million variations that you could take from them.

Cocoa Chewy Bars with mint

1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup corn syrup
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 T cocoa powder
Mint chips or Andy's candies bits to sprinkle on top
2 cups granola
1 cup rice crispy cereal

Bring to a boil butter, corn syrup, sugar, and cocoa. In a bowl, mix granola and cereal. Pour the liquid over the cereal and stir to coat. In two loaf pans lined with parchment and sprayed with cooking spray, pour 1/2 of mixture into each. Press down and sprinkle with candy or chips (The fewer that you sprinkle, the longer the package will last. The idea is to just give a hint of mint.). Let sit for 20 minutes before removing with the parchment and cutting into bars. I can usually get 7 bars from each pan.

Last week, I made them without the cocoa, but with Peanut butter added to the liquid and some roasted almonds mixed in with the cereal and topped with some dried cranberries and white chocolate chips. They were amazing.

I look forward to telling you how the yogurt turns out and about all the many other things I am trying around here. There's laundry soap, hand soap, and homemade pudding. Some have been good and some haven't. But it sure is fun trying. Making things better for my family. Helping them eat things that we can pronounce. Saving money. Did you know that we would have spent about $520 on granola bars this year? What? Doesn't that seem crazy? I think so too.

So this leads me back to my quest. To find things that I can make to replace what I would have bought. To save us some money. To eat what we can pronounce.

Life on the Other Side

We have two new members of our family. Storm and Shadow. They are pygmy goats. They are two sweet boy goats that we got online. They are so gentle and kind to the boys which is why they are keepers. Our middle son counted them as part of our family now. As he counted off all the names there they were. Storm and Shadow listed right after grandma and grandpa. I told him not to let Grandma hear him call them family members. But they have already been a great addition to our home.

Their main job is to mow, I mean eat everything. As I had them up in our backyard this afternoon, I was struck by the way they would eat. They would stretch their necks to eat the grass under the fence. It was the same grass that all around their feet and all over the hill they were standing on, but they wanted the grass on the other side of the fence.

So I moved them. I put them on the other side of the fence and what did they do? They stretched back under to the side they had just come from and tried to eat from the other side. I couldn't believe it.

But that's how I am too. There is always something better over there. There is always one more thing that I need and then I will be happy or have enough.

God, help me to not be like my silly goats. Help me to be content with what I have, or what I drive, or what I don't have. God, you are my shepherd and you have placed me here on this side of the fence. You know my needs and you meet them. Thank you for watching over me each day. I rest in you knowing that you will guide me and supply all my needs. Help me to not look over the fence, but to keep my eyes focused on you.

A Passing Moment

There was a moment today when I felt like super mom. The kids were out of school and they played nicely together. When I could hear the grumbling beginning, I headed off the fighting with a trip outside. We made a picnic lunch which everyone helped prepare and then we ate out in the backyard. When they were done eating, we had an impromtu scavenger hunt and finished off with a trip down to feed the goats our fruit scraps. I convinced them that an afternoon of coloring thank you notes and a pictures would be a great time and we ended the time with making our own crayons out of all the broken crayons. I was so proud of myself. And maybe that is where we ran into trouble. The afternoon and evening ended with much crying. I don't know what happened. But it snapped. The kids got broken. The peaceful time of the morning was gone. Instead I became a frazzled mama trying to keep her sanity and keep the rules of the house. Although the morning is gone, I am going to cling to that moment. There are moments when I feel like I am failing as a mom and there are moments of joy at the job that I am doing. Today was both. I need both. One to keep me humble and one to keep me going.

Up Rooted

Almost 6 months ago our family moved to the "country". It's not really the country. It's more of a large land mass about 15 miles from the town we lived in, but for this city girl, it feels like the country. There is so much that I love about living in the country. I love watching our boys use their imaginations exploring the yard and building forts and hideouts. I love seeing them learn how to garden and grow some of the food we eat. I love the way they are learning about nature and how to explore uncharted territory.

And even though we moved to the country to have room for the boys to run and move, I have found that I am really enjoying the country for me. I love the easy going life. I love going out to the garden and gathering the food we will eat for dinner. I have been out berry picking every other day and although the thorns are terrible and I have very scratched up arms, there is a peacefulness out in the warm evening, gathering treats from God's garden. We have turned the berries into a cobbler, jam, and delicious ice cream. I am finding such joy and accomplishment from making things. We have made our own laundry soap and I am making my own hand soap as soon as the store bought kind has run out. It is amazing to create things that we used to spend a lot on and now with a little work can spend pennies on.

It's funny. I used to get fiction novels at the library. The last time we came home from the library, I had books on gardening, making good dirt, and raising chickens. Yes, we are contemplating chickens. I am reseaching compost and how to make the best stuff. I am looking on our property for the best chicken coop site.
Life has changed. But the change has been good. I like who I am becoming in the country. I am braver. I am willing to try more. I am more industrious. I am busy, but I am having a wonderful time.

Fighting Fear

This morning I woke up to a battle. It was a battle raging in my heart and mind. It was truth vs. fear. I spent a good part of my morning waging war against living in fear. Our oldest son went to San Franscisco for the day. I was sending him with someone I trust completely. I was sending him to have a wonderful day. He was so happy to be going, but my mind was struggling to trust him. What if he wandered off? What if he looked over the Golden Gate too far and fell in? What if he didn't get off the cable car when everyone else did? What if...?

In my what ifs, the assumption is that when he is with me, I have control over all these situations. Why do I trust that everything will go right when he is with me? Why do I think that I can care for him better than someone else? Do I think that I have control over things? No. In reality, I have no power over other people. I have no power to stop someone from falling or being lost.

I have to trust. I have to trust God. I have to trust that He is watching over my kids. I have to trust that even if something terrible happened, that God would still be faithful and be there for me and my kids. That God is in control in the good times and the bad times. I also have to learn to trust my kids. Our oldest is growing up. He is maturing and becoming more responsible. I have to let him make mistakes and also let him do well on his own. It is part of growing up for both of us. But I am proud of myself. I fought through it today. I have been peaceful and not been filled with fear and worry. I have rested in the arms of my God knowing He is watching over me and my child.

24 Hours Alone

Nathan and I just celebrated our anniversary. It has been 14 years since we got married. It seems like it was just yesterday and yet it seems like this is how it has always been. Years 12 and 13 have been a bit hard. There have been times when we frustrated each other and moments when we didn't like each other very much. Things in our lives have been crazy and chaotic these past few years. It has been a few years since we were able to step away from our lives and just be the two of us. So to be here tucked away in a beautiful B &B is amazing. (We are in the Longfellow room. And in a room named that I can not help but write.)

We started our escape together with a massage and then we jetted off to this B &B which is so close to our town and yet far enough that we feel secluded. We "cooked" our own dinner at the fondue restaurant last night which was such a change for us. We sat in this tiny little nook in the restaurant, cocooned off, talking and sharing. Our normal restaurant style is Taco Bell or McDonalds with three boys, who scarf down their food at the speed of light and then can't sit still to wait for the rest of us to finish. So to sit for several hours and wait for the food and talk was magical. It was a wonderful time to remenise about who we were and how we started our lives together. We talked about our current situations and about the future. We laughed and we were silent just enjoying being together.

As usual, I was up with the sun. I tried to be still and not to wake Nathan. As I lay there, I smiled. There is no other person that I would rather walk through this life with. There is no person that knows me the way that he does. It is beautiful to be known by someone. To have him know my heart and my fears. He knows that I love ketchup on my breakfast potatoes. He knows I love no pulp in my orange juice. He knows I like flowers but not expensive ones from a florist. (A lesson from an earlier anniversary.) He knows me. And he loves me. The real me.

These 24 hours away have been priceless. They have given us moments to sit with each other and in the quiet of these moments we have recalled the reasons why we love each other. God, thank you for Nathan. Thank you for giving us to each other. Thank you for our marriage. I pray that you would strengthen it. I pray that you would make us the couple that you want us to be. Thank you for showing us how to love each other through the hard times and the good times. God, help me to be the wife that Nathan needs. Give me eyes to see his needs and the desire to meet them.

Slug Bug

My kids have me trained. I was riding in the car alone and I yelled out, "Red one." My kids love to play Slug Bug. Even Josh our 2 year old. He can't really identify a bug, but he echo's the yells of the other boys and sometimes yells out colors on his own. But they have me doing it too. I yell it out even when I am riding with other grown ups and my kids are not around. As I sit here, I am not with my kids and I can't help but wonder if the reverse it true as well. Are they trained? Do they remember the things that I have said when I am not with them. The things that I am constantly speaking to them about, do they remember when I am not looking? Do they use their manners? Do they sit on the furniture instead of jumping on it? Do they use their words instead of their hands? And will they remember the more valuable lessons in the future? Will they remember when they are out of my care the words that I have sung to them every night? Will they remember that "God loves them and I love them" or that "God is watching over you each day"? That is my desire. That is my goal. So I work toward that goal. I remind them in the waking hours to be kind and to not jump on the furniture and in the going to sleep that they are loved and cherished by me and by the God that created them. I repeat the words over and over until I feel crazy with the repetition in hopes that when we are apart that they will remember. God, help me to train up my children so that when they are old they will not depart from it. God, help me to be consistent and never wavering in their care and training. Let me remain faithful and steadfast in this job that you have blessed me with.