Can you Pause this?

Yesterday, my husband was reading a book to our three year old. Luke looked up at Nathan and said "Daddy, can you pause this I need a snack?" I laughed so much. Kids manage to bring a smile to our faces when we need it the most. I am so thankful for the joy and fun that our kids bring to our lives. They make me laugh and smile daily. These are the times to remember when I feel at the end of my patience. I write this down now, so that I can look back and remember it when I feel crazy. So I can remember the fun.

Sick and Tired

My three year old is sick. He started running a fever yesterday. Unfortunately we had a party to go to last night so he had to stay home. It is so hard for me to leave my kids when they are sick. They seem so helpless and that is exactly how I feel. I want to take their pain and sadness away. I would gladly take it myself if they would be better. I think this is part of being a mom. It is part of letting them go. Not letting him go as far as not being with him, but releasing him to God because he is God's, not mine. Today I can sit and hold him and comfort him and watch what he is eating and drinking. Someday I may have to sit and watch him go through something harder and worse. I may be at a place where all I can do for him is pray. I will have to lift him up to his Heavenly Father and know that God is bigger than the problem that he is facing or the pain that he is in. So today I will practice praying for him through his pain and suffering. "God, Luke is your child. You love him more than I do. Heal his little body. Make him well. Help me to love him through the whining and complaining and demanding times. God, Help him to grow up to love you more than anything else. Cause his faith in you to grow. Amen."

Camping... There's no place like home.

This last weekend, we went camping. I don't go camping for the fun of it, I only go camping for my kids. To see them out having sword fights with sticks and running around with dirt smeared across their faces. I love to see them using their imaginations and sometimes I have to get them away from computers and the tv and video games in order to see that. But as we were out in nature, I decided that camping was good for one thing. It makes me thankful for the home that I live in. Cooking in nature makes me grateful for the four burner stove and full size fridge in my kitchen. Waking up in the middle of the night with my baby makes me thankful for the crib that keeps him asleep all night long. Having to hike through the dirt and wait in line to go to the bathroom makes my bathroom at home seem like a resort spa. People laughed when they heard that we only went camping for one night, But it is all that I can do. Next year, I will have forgotten the dirt and rocks and inconvience of this year's trip and we will do it all again. Maybe we will even make it two nights. But I have no doubt that I will come home again, thankful for the blessings of a house to live in. God, be with those who don't have a home to live in. Keep them warm and safe. Help me to be generous in giving to them.

Being Selfish

I have had a bad attitude the last few days. I have to be honest. It is totally just me being selfish. It all comes down to Poor Amy. My focus has been on me and not on anyone else. I am tired. I never get to sleep in. I have to change all the dirty diapers. I, I, I. No one is caring about me. No one is helping me. No one is doing things for me. Me, Me, Me. This is not true, but I can't see the truth. I can only see me. God, help me to take the focus off of me and put it on you. Help me to see the things I do for those around me as things I do for you. God, help me to find joy in changing diapers and getting up early with the kids. Turn my focus around so that those around me can see you instead of me.

Sleeping with a Smile

Today is a red letter day. Today something happened that we have been waiting and hoping and praying for a long time. Luke pooped on the potty today. He has been so fearful of doing it and tonight he just went in and sat down and did it. It seems silly to us to be afraid of that, but how many things am I afraid of that are so easy? I am often afraid to get outside my world, to step out into something that is unknown to me. I like to stay with what I know. With those I know. But how hard is it to talk to a neighbor? To encourage someone instead of passing them by? To reach out to those around me? Those are not hard things to do. And when I do them, I can be as proud of myself as Luke was tonight. He was so pleased with himself. He told me "when I have my eyes closed, I will still have a smile". And as his mom, I am proud too. And if I am this proud of him, I know that when I reach out, my Father is proud of me too.

Weddings

Yesterday my sister got married. She and her new husband are so cute and in love. They can be seen kissing and hugging whenever they are together. They are quick to get an eyelash from each others faces and whisper words of love to each other. They are so sweet to watch.

We just celebrated our 12th anniversary a week ago and I am shocked by the difference in our behavior. I know we must have started out our married life in the same way, but now we are lucky if we get a kiss without morning breath and a hug without a child sandwiched between us. We are now so busy with raising kids and work that an eyelash on our faces is the least of our worries. It would have to be a large chunk of something for one of us to notice there was something different. We still love each other don't get me wrong, but our love right now is more of a love in the trenches kind of love. I cover him and he covers me. There is some dirt and grime that you have to sit in. It is not roses and candles. It is more spit up and nightlights.

There are some days when I wish we could go back to the first days of marriage. When we only had eyes for each other. It is a beautiful place to be. But then I look at what we have made of our lives. We have seen the best and worst of each other. We have three kids that bring such delight to our lives. We have had our first fight and our 100th fight and have made it through. Life here in the trenches is good too. I know that someday we will make it out of this place too and into a new kind of love. So I rejoice in the love that we have now. I know I will look back fondly on the trench time and lean over and kiss my husband as we sit in our rockers holding wrinkly hands.

A Dose of Reality TV

Last night I watched The Dugger family on their show 18 Kids and counting. They were off to a home school event in their bus with all thier kids meeting other families with lots of kids who homeschool. I thought to myself, that is the life. That is what we need to do. We need to live in the country and home school our kids and go to conferences in a bus all together singing all the way.

Then I woke up. The harsh light of day can really burst the dream bubble I was living in. The breakfast I cooked wasn't right. (Yes, I cooked it today and yet someone still had cereal.) The plans I had cooked up for the boys to have play dates weren't what they had wanted. And the fun "school like activity" which had spiderman on it, wasn't wanted. By lunch time, as I was cleaning the poop off the floor, my thoughts of 15 more kids being taught by me were gone.

I got a reality check. That is a great life for the Duggers, but I need to live the best life for the Cherrys. I need to be happy with where we are now and do my best each day with my kids that I have. I may never homeschool my kids, but I can make sure they are getting the education that they need and the spiritual lessons that they need. It is nice living in someone else's world for a little while, I guess that is why they have tv, but cuddling on the couch with my boys or running in the sprinkler with them is a reality I love.