I Am Loved

As a mom, I am a helper. I help get the kids going. I take care when people are sick. I help care for the animals. I help make the meals for everyone. I help everyone. Except for today. Today I am hurt. I am hurt so much that I cannot help. I cannot help anyone. I cannot even help myself. My family is having to help me. Help me get a drink of water. Help me put on my shoes. Help me put on my pajamas. It is so hard. It is hard having to watch and listen as my family functions and keeps going without my help. If it was one of them, I would willingly work for them, but it is hard for me to accept their help for me. I feel terrible laying here reading a book, while my husband gives the baths. I feel awful knowing that my mom is doing the dishes. It is a bit of humble pie. I am humbled because I have to let others do for me. I have to get over myself and know that they can do without me. I have to let it go and know that they are doing for me because they love me, not because of what I can do for them, but because of who I am. This is something that I am learning about God too. He loves me as I am, who I am at this moment, not because I can help Him or further his Kingdom, but because I am his child. He loves me whether I teach Sunday School or not. He loves me whether I lead a small group or not. He loves me for me. And my family is showing me that today. They love me for me. Just me laying here. Just because I am part of their family. Isn't that a great thing? I am going to try and remember that everyday. I am loved.

My Favorite Thing

The sun has not risen yet. It is just beginning to be light out. I love that time of day. I am siting in my living room, the coffee is going, I can see the goats out beginning to sniff around, the birds are trying to catch a worm for their breakfast. As soon as the pot is ready, I'll have a warm cup of coffee in my hand. Ahhhhhhh!. I love it. Sometimes I use the time to read. Sometimes I check my emails. Sometimes I have a quiet time. It is a quiet moment. I love it. It is my me time. There is no one else awake right now. Sometimes the kids try and sneak in and disrupt my time, but I don't let them. I just send them on their way. It is the calm before the busyness of the day. I know what you are thinking, "Don't you want to sleep in?" Rarely. This is my favorite thing. I don't want to miss the beauty of this moment for any more time in bed.

What is your moment? What is your favorite thing that refreshes you? Think about it. Maybe you don't know the answer. Maybe you don't have anything to refresh you. If not, you have got to start somewhere. Try something and become renewed. Take a moment in time for you. You will be a better mom for it.

My New Quest

We are on the verge of what I would call being homesteaders. On the edge and dipping our feet into the way of life of people a few generations ago. As you know we have added goats. There is talk of chickens right now. It is only in the talking phase. But there could be a chicken coop in our close future. But there is more to being a homesteader than just animals. It is kind of a mindset that says, "I don't have to depend on someone else to make something or do something for me. I can do it myself."

Did you know that there are so many things that you can make? We started off by making our own yogurt. I make it in the crockpot. Lately it has failed, but that hasn't deterred me. My next time, I am going to use the heating pad to make it.

I am making my own granola which also leads to our own granola bars.

We have a son who fell in love with Chewy granola bars that are chocolate with mint. When Chewy decided to make them in boxes of eight instead of 10. I had to find a better way. They were getting too expensive. So I started experimenting with a recipe I found online for the regular bars and added cocoa and mint chips. He loves them. They cost very little and the best part is I can pronounce all the ingredients. There are a million variations that you could take from them.

Cocoa Chewy Bars with mint

1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup corn syrup
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 T cocoa powder
Mint chips or Andy's candies bits to sprinkle on top
2 cups granola
1 cup rice crispy cereal

Bring to a boil butter, corn syrup, sugar, and cocoa. In a bowl, mix granola and cereal. Pour the liquid over the cereal and stir to coat. In two loaf pans lined with parchment and sprayed with cooking spray, pour 1/2 of mixture into each. Press down and sprinkle with candy or chips (The fewer that you sprinkle, the longer the package will last. The idea is to just give a hint of mint.). Let sit for 20 minutes before removing with the parchment and cutting into bars. I can usually get 7 bars from each pan.

Last week, I made them without the cocoa, but with Peanut butter added to the liquid and some roasted almonds mixed in with the cereal and topped with some dried cranberries and white chocolate chips. They were amazing.

I look forward to telling you how the yogurt turns out and about all the many other things I am trying around here. There's laundry soap, hand soap, and homemade pudding. Some have been good and some haven't. But it sure is fun trying. Making things better for my family. Helping them eat things that we can pronounce. Saving money. Did you know that we would have spent about $520 on granola bars this year? What? Doesn't that seem crazy? I think so too.

So this leads me back to my quest. To find things that I can make to replace what I would have bought. To save us some money. To eat what we can pronounce.

Life on the Other Side

We have two new members of our family. Storm and Shadow. They are pygmy goats. They are two sweet boy goats that we got online. They are so gentle and kind to the boys which is why they are keepers. Our middle son counted them as part of our family now. As he counted off all the names there they were. Storm and Shadow listed right after grandma and grandpa. I told him not to let Grandma hear him call them family members. But they have already been a great addition to our home.

Their main job is to mow, I mean eat everything. As I had them up in our backyard this afternoon, I was struck by the way they would eat. They would stretch their necks to eat the grass under the fence. It was the same grass that all around their feet and all over the hill they were standing on, but they wanted the grass on the other side of the fence.

So I moved them. I put them on the other side of the fence and what did they do? They stretched back under to the side they had just come from and tried to eat from the other side. I couldn't believe it.

But that's how I am too. There is always something better over there. There is always one more thing that I need and then I will be happy or have enough.

God, help me to not be like my silly goats. Help me to be content with what I have, or what I drive, or what I don't have. God, you are my shepherd and you have placed me here on this side of the fence. You know my needs and you meet them. Thank you for watching over me each day. I rest in you knowing that you will guide me and supply all my needs. Help me to not look over the fence, but to keep my eyes focused on you.

A Passing Moment

There was a moment today when I felt like super mom. The kids were out of school and they played nicely together. When I could hear the grumbling beginning, I headed off the fighting with a trip outside. We made a picnic lunch which everyone helped prepare and then we ate out in the backyard. When they were done eating, we had an impromtu scavenger hunt and finished off with a trip down to feed the goats our fruit scraps. I convinced them that an afternoon of coloring thank you notes and a pictures would be a great time and we ended the time with making our own crayons out of all the broken crayons. I was so proud of myself. And maybe that is where we ran into trouble. The afternoon and evening ended with much crying. I don't know what happened. But it snapped. The kids got broken. The peaceful time of the morning was gone. Instead I became a frazzled mama trying to keep her sanity and keep the rules of the house. Although the morning is gone, I am going to cling to that moment. There are moments when I feel like I am failing as a mom and there are moments of joy at the job that I am doing. Today was both. I need both. One to keep me humble and one to keep me going.