Sleeping with a Smile

Today is a red letter day. Today something happened that we have been waiting and hoping and praying for a long time. Luke pooped on the potty today. He has been so fearful of doing it and tonight he just went in and sat down and did it. It seems silly to us to be afraid of that, but how many things am I afraid of that are so easy? I am often afraid to get outside my world, to step out into something that is unknown to me. I like to stay with what I know. With those I know. But how hard is it to talk to a neighbor? To encourage someone instead of passing them by? To reach out to those around me? Those are not hard things to do. And when I do them, I can be as proud of myself as Luke was tonight. He was so pleased with himself. He told me "when I have my eyes closed, I will still have a smile". And as his mom, I am proud too. And if I am this proud of him, I know that when I reach out, my Father is proud of me too.

Weddings

Yesterday my sister got married. She and her new husband are so cute and in love. They can be seen kissing and hugging whenever they are together. They are quick to get an eyelash from each others faces and whisper words of love to each other. They are so sweet to watch.

We just celebrated our 12th anniversary a week ago and I am shocked by the difference in our behavior. I know we must have started out our married life in the same way, but now we are lucky if we get a kiss without morning breath and a hug without a child sandwiched between us. We are now so busy with raising kids and work that an eyelash on our faces is the least of our worries. It would have to be a large chunk of something for one of us to notice there was something different. We still love each other don't get me wrong, but our love right now is more of a love in the trenches kind of love. I cover him and he covers me. There is some dirt and grime that you have to sit in. It is not roses and candles. It is more spit up and nightlights.

There are some days when I wish we could go back to the first days of marriage. When we only had eyes for each other. It is a beautiful place to be. But then I look at what we have made of our lives. We have seen the best and worst of each other. We have three kids that bring such delight to our lives. We have had our first fight and our 100th fight and have made it through. Life here in the trenches is good too. I know that someday we will make it out of this place too and into a new kind of love. So I rejoice in the love that we have now. I know I will look back fondly on the trench time and lean over and kiss my husband as we sit in our rockers holding wrinkly hands.

A Dose of Reality TV

Last night I watched The Dugger family on their show 18 Kids and counting. They were off to a home school event in their bus with all thier kids meeting other families with lots of kids who homeschool. I thought to myself, that is the life. That is what we need to do. We need to live in the country and home school our kids and go to conferences in a bus all together singing all the way.

Then I woke up. The harsh light of day can really burst the dream bubble I was living in. The breakfast I cooked wasn't right. (Yes, I cooked it today and yet someone still had cereal.) The plans I had cooked up for the boys to have play dates weren't what they had wanted. And the fun "school like activity" which had spiderman on it, wasn't wanted. By lunch time, as I was cleaning the poop off the floor, my thoughts of 15 more kids being taught by me were gone.

I got a reality check. That is a great life for the Duggers, but I need to live the best life for the Cherrys. I need to be happy with where we are now and do my best each day with my kids that I have. I may never homeschool my kids, but I can make sure they are getting the education that they need and the spiritual lessons that they need. It is nice living in someone else's world for a little while, I guess that is why they have tv, but cuddling on the couch with my boys or running in the sprinkler with them is a reality I love.